If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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