Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
