Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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