i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize