I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
