My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
