went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
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I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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