I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
