I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
