i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
