ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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