i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
