ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
