so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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