Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
