i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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