Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
