can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
