The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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