Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Its about making memories worth repressing
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
