i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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