Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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