I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
