I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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