...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
