i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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