no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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