ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
