You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
