So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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