Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's official drugs can't kill me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
