please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think your dad took our porno
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
