Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We had sex on a dog bed..
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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