i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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