Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize