We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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