I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
