sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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