i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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