I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
