I puked a lego.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
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Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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