She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
