He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
