dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
