I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize