omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
