Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
