i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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