i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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