i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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