If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She bit a glass in half.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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