Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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