I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
