thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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