dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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