I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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