dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
