she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize