look no pants
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
