i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
