i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
